Fine
by EdgyFirebender
Summary: Mako is not fine. Oneshot.


He struggles to remember a time when he was last truly happy, when he wasn't living in constant fear and worry. Where he wasn't living solely for the purpose of keeping someone else alive, when he was innocent and content. He should be relieved. It should make him happy that he doesn't have to do this anymore. And yet, as soon as his brother leaves the apartment they both shared once, his false smile drops and he feels worse than he ever has felt in his life. He knew this day was coming, that Bolin would grow independent of him eventually. And yet, Mako can't help but feel as if his whole world has come crashing down on him, the person who he had been living so long for, finally doesn't need him.

He tries to busy himself with his work. He enjoys it. He enjoys knowing he's making a positive impact on the world. He sees Bolin at work as well, he's a strong addition to the team and Mako can't help but feel proud every-time he looks at him. He busies himself within his case, a series of murders, dating back years ago. Lin feels they're a waste of time, the case was given up long before she'd even become the chief of police. But Mako picks it back up, he wants something to focus on, something he can dedicate himself to. Something that will make those nights alone easier. His work space has come to be a mess of old newspaper clippings and paperwork, interwoven between all the potential clues he has found. Lin thinks he's mad, but he knows there's something more. He just has to work at it, piece everything together.

There comes a time when Mako realises Lin was right. He's following a lost cause, wasting his own time on some stupid endeavour. All for the purpose of distracting himself. He knows he's losing it, that he's reaching his breaking point. That he should seek help. But he denies that something is wrong. That he is _fine_. Because he has to be strong, he can't be weak. If he's weak, he might as well not exist.

Bolin notices, starts badgering him, asking if he's okay. Every time Mako says yes. _I'm fine, don't worry about me._ Bolin looks at him suspiciously but shrugs it off. Mako's always been like this. He never lets anyone in. He can't let anyone in. And for the first time in his life, he wishes he could.

His nights have become sleepless. He lies in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. He's so used to Bolin's presence. Used to finally closing his eyes as the sounds of his brothers snores fill the air. It's silent. Mako can't sleep in silence. It frustrates him how stupid the situation is. Bolin can't stay with him forever, Mako _knows_ this. But he's gotten so used to being the caretaker that it's strange to be without him. He wonders if this is how parents feel, his mind wonders back to his parents and that familiar feeling of pain settles in on his chest again. He's lonely, that's what it is. It's ironic, for someone so solitary. In his youth he would have given anything to get some solitude for once and now that he's finally got it he doesn't want it.

He sees Korra with Asami and feels nothing but jealously. Not for the fact that both of his exes are now dating, but for the fact that he himself has no-one. They're so happy together and he should be happy for them too. He _is_ happy for them. But he _isn't._ He's glad that Bolin has someone though, he remembers the crushing feeling of guilt of seeing his brother upset, that it's his fault his brother was upset. He had no idea that Bolin liked Korra. He never would have started anything with her if he had. But Bolin has Opal now, and Opal makes Bolin happy. And Mako is glad that Bolin is happy. He wants nothing more than for Bolin to be happy. He's spent his entire life making Bolin happy. Mako just wishes that he could make himself happy.

He can feel himself beginning to drown. It becomes overwhelming. And for once, he can't deal with it. He wants to cry, wants someone to hold him and tell him that it will all be alright. But he has no-one. His apartment is empty aside from himself. It's just him. He can't comfort himself like he is used to comforting overs. It _crushes_ him. Each work day becomes agony, he struggles to remain focused, keep to his deadlines. Each time Bolin pesters him he feels the urge to snap and cry. Tell him to get out and go away, _to stop making things worse._ But Bolin reaches out, he won't stop reaching out. And Mako wishes so desperately that he could reach out and take his hand, get away from the currents dragging him deeper and deeper into his own abyss.

"Mako." Bolin's voice stirs him out of his thoughts and Mako comes to realise just how far behind on work he is. He groans, shifting in his seat, glaring at the sea of paperwork that's been piling up on his desk. "Mako." Bolin repeats. Mako looks away from the desk and at Bolin. He's worried. Bolin shouldn't be worried. Bolin should be smiling and happy. "Are you okay?" Mako swallows thickly. He wants to say no, tell the truth. Let Bolin know that he's not coping as well as he should be. But he forces the urges down his throat.

"Yeah, I'm fine." A blatant lie. Bolin can tell.

"Please don't lie to me." The pleading tone is almost enough to drive Mako over the edge. He can feel the pressure building. He raises and hand to his eyes, rubbing at them. A warning to the tears which threaten to fall. "I know you're not fine." Bolin laughs bitterly, "You wouldn't have this much paperwork on your desk otherwise! Even if you can be a bit _obsessive_ at times."

Mako's eyes flick away from him in desperation. _Please don't do this to me Bolin._ "I just bit off a bit more than I could chew." He forces out, gesturing to the paperwork, "Took to much on when I shouldn't have."

"That's not it, and you know it isn't." Bolin presses. His presence is beginning to grow overwhelming. "Stop being stubborn, earthbenders are supposed to be the stubborn ones." Mako stares down at his desk, frustrated at himself for letting this go on for so long. Bolin shouldn't be worried like this, worried about him. _Don't cry._ He swallows the lump forming in the back of his throat. _Don't you dare cry._

"Mako?" Mako's eyes snap back to him and he can't hold back the tears. As soon as the first sob rips from his throat Bolin's arms are around him, pulling him into a hug. Telling him that everything is going to be okay, that it's okay to cry. It's okay for him to let down his walls for once and be weak. Mako can't speak over the trembling in his body, he just clings to Bolin like a lifeline. Yelling internally at himself to calm down, that he's going to make a scene. "It's okay, you're going to be okay. I'm here." Bolin's soft voice repeats the same words that Mako used to tell him in their youth, when he'd hold him after a nightmare or if he was worrying to much. "It's okay."

He begins to calm down, breathes slowly falling into a normal rhythm. "Fuck." He curses, mainly at himself for getting so upset. "I shouldn't- I'm sorry Bolin."

"Mako, you do realise it's perfectly normal to get upset right? Why are you apologising to me?"

"Because this shouldn't have happened." Bolin raises and eyebrow. "You shouldn't be worrying about me."

"Why? You've worried about me your _entire life_."

"I'm fine." Mako protests weakly. He's tired. So tired of everything.

"You are clearly not fine- c'mon, I'll go speak to the Chief, tell her what's happened and then me and you can go to Narook's and eat some noodles." Bolin states.

"No-No you can't tell the chief about this."

"Why? She'll understand."

"You don't get it Bolin-"

"-Mako, trust me. It'll be fine, I'll go talk to her about it now. You don't have to come, she won't say anything about it. I promise."

Mako looks at him sceptically, but he's drained and tired. He has no strength to argue back. Bolin gives a small grin.

"I'll be right back. Get you're stuff together, we're getting noodles as soon as I return."

Mako sighs, burying his face in his hands. He's mortified with himself and yet he's so tired. The idea of noodles is beginning to sound very convincing. Maybe this wouldn't hurt too much. Maybe not having to deal with work stress for a while would help a bit. He's doubtful, but that tiny speck of hope- Bolin's hope- dances around in the back of his head telling him otherwise. He wants so desperately to get back to work and pretend this never happened. But he doesn't. He knows, deep down that this will be good for him. That Bolin is right, he is not _fine_.

"Chief is totally fine with it- I mean, not completely, she's a bit annoyed at being down two staff- but she understands." Bolin returns, leaning against the wall with a smile on his face, "Now c'mon bro, noodles are on me." Mako stands. Casting a fleeting glance at his messy desk. "Nuh-uh. No work stuff," Bolin cuts in, following his brothers' gaze. "Consider this a holiday, you're not going to worry about anything. You hear me? And, you're not going to keep things to yourself. I worry more when you don't tell me stuff."

Mako sighs, a small smile grazing his lips. "Okay Bo."

"I'm serious Mako, no more bottling things up."

Mako nods. Bolin is right after all. He worries about Bolin's reaction to the truth, but he knows that keeping it in is only going to make him worry more.

"Now let's go get some food! I am freaking hungry!" Mako smiles as Bolin jogs off. He himself isn't hungry, rather the opposite actually. He can't ignore the fatigue creeping through his bones. But he'll go, because he loves Bolin. And he hates to see Bolin upset. Especially when Bolin is upset over him.

 **AN** : Well this is the first fanfic I've written in a very long time that kinda just popped up out of no-where.

It's definitely not the best thing I've ever written, but I'm pretty pleased with how it turned out, so I hope y'all enjoy it too.

Reviews aren't necessary but will be appreciated as it helps me stay motivated to write more, so if you liked this, please drop a review so I can know and write more like this :3

Enjoy!


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